


Safe

by Marrilyn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fear, Feels, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 19:52:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13554408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marrilyn/pseuds/Marrilyn
Summary: Rowena has a nightmare. Reader comforts her.





	Safe

Waking up to Rowena's screams had become a regular occurrence.

Ever since her second death at Lucifer's hands and her subsequent resurrection, full, undisturbed nights of sleep were rare. Every night, you would go to sleep fully prepared to be awoken in the middle of the night. She would either scream at the top of her lungs or kick you awake – sometimes both at the same time.

You weren't that good at comforting people, but in those few months the circumstances had forced you to learn how to calm someone down.

Or at least, how to calm Rowena down.

Tonight was no different than usual. Opening your eyes, you found her lying on her back. She was panting, deep breaths flowing in and out of her lungs. Her eyes, wide and full of tears that were slowly sliding down her cheeks, were glued to the ceiling.

She never wanted to look at you when she was in this state. You told her multiple times that there was nothing to be ashamed of, but despite the trust you'd built over the years, she was still afraid. Afraid to be thought of as weak. Afraid of being judged. Afraid of being broken and shattered and torn apart as if she were nothing, as if her existence meant nothing.

Again.

It didn't matter that you would never cause her any pain. Fear was stronger than reason, and right now Rowena was very, very fearful.

And you'll be damned if you don't at least try to make her hurt less.

It tore at your heart to see her like that. There was a time when you wished she would soften up, oftentimes fed up with her uncaring demeanor. But now all you wanted was that Rowena – that cold, heartless, guarded bitch – back.

That Rowena didn't hurt like this.

"I'm here, sweetheart," you whispered softly, reaching for her hand. She squeezed it, holding on for dear life, more tears spilling from her eyes. "You're safe."

"I'm never safe." Her voice was raspy, shaky, words breaking through sobs she tried hard to keep at bay. "Neither of us is."

"We are.  _You_  are," you insisted. "He can't get through the warding."

"He can and he will. He will find me and…" She left the sentence hanging. A small sob escaped her trembling lips.

"Not if I can help it."

You would never forgive yourself for not being with her that horrible day. The two of you were rarely apart, but that day a local mall had a sale that you couldn't miss. Rowena wasn't feeling up to an outing, so you went on your own.

When you returned, you found her lying amongst blood and destruction, burned beyond recognition.

You should have missed the damn sale.

"You can't do anything to him," Rowena said.

"You're right. But at the very least I can distract him while you run."

Turning on her side, she finally willed herself to look at you. Tear-filled, red-rimmed eyes pierced yours. "That is  _not_  going to happen," she said firmly. "Lucifer is my burden."

"And you're my girl, which makes him my burden, as well," you said.

"You're not dying for me."

"I'll come back, just like you."

Months into the relationship, she'd given you a Resurrection Seal alike that of hers. You were lucky never to require its assistance, but if need be, you were more than willing to die and come back. Even if it hurt like hell, even if it broke you apart and shattered every last shred of your sanity, you would do it for Rowena. You would do anything just so she doesn't have to go through that torture again.

"And become like me? Look at me, Y/N!" Rowena said. "I haven't slept in months. I'm afraid to leave the house. I can't even look at myself in the mirror." She took a deep breath. "I won't let that happen to you."

"And  _I_  won't let you go through it again," you told her. Twining your fingers with hers, you started rubbing circles over the top of her hand with your thumb. She was so warm. No matter what she went through, her warmth never left her. "Calmed down a bit?"

Rowena nodded.

You shot her a big, loving smile. "Can I hold you?"

Without uttering a word, she snuggled closer to you, nestling into you. She pressed her forehead to your chest, curling into a fetal-like position, like a cat in need of snuggles. Wrapping your arm around her, you held her close. Your grip was iron-tight, the way you knew she needed. It was a promise; a promise of safety, of protection, of love that only grew stronger each day, undefeated by even the darkest of forces.

"I love you so much," you said, gently rocking her. "I won't let anything happen to you again. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I can and I will. We'll survive this, sweetheart. As long as we're together, we can survive anything."

"I wish I could believe that," Rowena said.

"One day you will. Until then just trust me, okay? Let me be here and keep you safe. I won't let you down."

"I know you won't. You never have."

"And I never will."

"Thank you, Y/N," she said in a small voice, letting out a sniffle. "Thank you for putting up with me."

"I'm not 'putting up with you'," you said. You were helping her because you loved her, because you cared about her wellbeing and wanted her to get better. You wouldn't be able to live with yourself if you'd left her to her own devices. "I love you and I'd do anything for you. And I literally mean anything."

"I know." She gave a small chuckle. "I love you, as well."

Silence befell you. You kept your eyes open, staring into darkness and fighting away the sleep that threatened to overcome you. You wanted to be awake in case Rowena needed you again. She came first; she always had, ever since the beginning of your relationship. You'd made yourself a promise to always look after her, no matter what.

Especially now that she needed you more than she cared to admit.

You could deal with sleepless nights. They were bound to catch up with you, but for now you handled them just fine. Rowena was in a bad state of mind, and nightmares weren't making the situation any better. The least you could do was make sure she felt safe – at least temporarily – and got a few hours of sleep.

It took about an hour for Rowena to fall asleep. Securing your hold on her, you allowed yourself to close your eyes. The promise of keeping Rowena safe followed you into dreamland. It would stay with you until you could make good on it. You'd never broken a promise to her, and you weren't about to start now.

**Author's Note:**

> Edited by OswinTheStrange.


End file.
